A Denton Jaunt

Saturday, we decided to get out of town and head to the far north reaches of DFW, Denton. We had planned to go six months ago as something to do on our anniversary, but apparently something else came up.

The weather around here has been reasonable the past couple of weeks, so we decided to go since it wouldn't be SCORCHING hot. It was still hot, but not melt-yo-face hot.

Getting on the road later than planned (quite typical for us), we made it to Denton in less than an hour. It no longer felt sooo far away. Our first stop was to be Seven Mile Cafe, since they had lots of veggie options. It's a popular place, and upon arriving, we were told it was a 40 minute wait. So, we strapped Liam in the stroller and walked across the street to Cupboard Natural Foods to kill some time (and having to wrangle Liam for 40 minutes sounded like torture). I set an alarm on my phone (to not lose track of time), and we perused the aisles of the small, delightful store. It smelled JUST like the Olde Wheat Barn!

We headed back to the restaurant after only 30 minutes, but we had been skipped over already, so we still had to wait. Since the restaurant is a small, old house, the waiting area was outside. Of course, Liam wanted to walk around. I can't say it's the best decision I ever made, but I put his shoes on him, and off he went. Will was doing the wrangling, and very quickly it turned into "Keep Liam from walking out into the street." Will had to pick him up to keep him from doing so, and then the screaming and back arching and all out fit-throwing ensued. In front of other people! I try not to get too embarrassed and hope other people (especially those with kids) can sympathize. One guy waiting with his family said he had two boys who used to be the same way. He was getting a kick out of it. Then, of course Liam kept wanting to head out to the street because, since he was banned from going there, it must be the best place ever. More scene-making and disrupting other peoples' meals ensued because there were a couple of tables outside. Finally, Will had enough and took him to the car and told me we were leaving. He put Liam in his car seat and Liam was just bawling. I told them both to calm down, and we gave Liam some water and a snack. He stopped crying, and once we had our wits about us, we went back into the restaurant, this time standing inside (even though it was crowded) and holding Liam until we were seated. We got seated pretty quickly then because I think we were in the way. Liam was perfectly behaved during the meal, staring and smiling at a lady sitting behind him. He had no interest in the sandwich I brought for him, but he ate crackers (I didn't care how many he ate as long as he wasn't causing a scene) and helped me eat my tofu scramble with avocado and hashbrowns. It was a delicious meal, and I'm so glad we didn't leave!

After that, we drove around Denton's courthouse square (way cooler than Homer's), and then drove around the UNT campus, but not without first driving around TWU because we thought it was UNT! During this time, Liam snoozed. We saw lots of college kids moving into their dorms and drove through some of the neighborhoods. I liked Denton; it seemed like a larger version of Ruston.

After Liam woke up, we went into a music shop because Will and I thought they might have guitars. Nope, just endless sheet music. A nice older lady was working there, and she told me I had a beautiful...child. I guess Liam is looking rather ambiguous these days. We still haven't made a decision about his hair. I don't want to cut the back yet because, once we do, those baby curls will be gone forever. And the swoop does get in his eyes, but if we power through it, eventually it'll go behind his ears, and he can get a haircut that doesn't have bangs. We'll see. Right now, I think we're just going to leave it alone.

We then drove around the square several times looking for a parking spot. They are hard to come by there! We ended up parking just off the square in front of Denton Square Donuts, so we went inside. They call what they sell a donut, but it's really a square puff pastry with toppings. It was good, but not a donut! Then we set off walking around the square.

Our first stop was a pawn and musical instrument shop. Will looked around for a little bit, and we ended up buying Liam his first pawn shop musical instrument...a plastic egg shaker maraca! He actually held on to that thing for a long time, and didn't let go until our next stop on the square, Beth Marie's ice cream shop. Neither of us really wanted anything, but I wanted to go inside since it looks like an old timey ice cream shop and soda fountain. We ended up getting some mango sorbet to split. Liam wasn't interested in it, but we finally got him to taste it, and he made a pretty funny face. I somehow captured it in a picture below.

We walked around the whole square, then headed home. We were all tired. It was a nice little day trip to Denton!

Seven Mile Cafe

Gazing and sporting cracker crumbs

I offered him some square donut, but he just wanted a cracker...

...and water (with smiling eyes!)

Denton courthouse

egg shaker!

"The guy behind me isn't wearing a cowboy hat, is he?"

mango sorbet face

amazed by something, I suppose

Tired Liam...about to head home

Liam at 15 Months

Fifteen months have passed since Liam was born. It truly is amazing how fast kids grow and develop and change literally everyday.

Personality: Liam is still pushing boundaries, messing with things he's not supposed to, and throwing fits when we make him stop. Throwing fits have become his specialty. There was a period of time earlier this month when Liam would throw huge fits at bedtime. We would try to hold him (because he likes it usually), and he would hit our faces and push hard against us to get down. Not acceptable! That's when we would put him in his crib and let him cry till we all calmed down, because seriously, I'm not getting mauled in the face. Saying "gentle, gentle" wouldn't do anything. I don't want Liam to ever think hurting someone is ok. I need to learn how to handle times like these. Thankfully, those fits only lasted a few nights, and then he magically went back to being calm at bedtime. There's definitely been some tough moments this month, and he's still too young to understand discipline. He just thinks we're making him stop doing something that's super fun! I know Liam is learning to explore his world and explore his relationship with us, and that includes seeing how we react when he does something, either good or bad. We clap for him a lot when he does something good or follows directions. He loves to be clapped for; he usually joins in. Not all of Liam's personality is difficult these days. He becomes more affectionate all the time. He runs to Will to give him hugs and smooches. If I'm on the floor with him, most of the time he's trying to get in my lap or laying his head on my leg. The vast majority of the time, he is a sweet boy! When leaving him in childcare at church, he's gotten clingy, and does typically cry when I leave. However, the teachers tell me he stops after a few minutes and is perfectly fine the rest of the time. When I pick him up, he usually screams with happiness! Yep, he's still a screamer. Eating in restaurants with him is hit or miss. Sometimes he's fine, and sometimes we have to take turns eating while the other takes him outside. Oh, and diaper changes are the worst! Silly me for thinking he might not want to walk around with poopy pants.

Skills: As I mentioned in a previous post, Liam is definitely saying more words these days! It's still so strange to hear a proper word come out of him! He does two animals sounds: moo for cow, and ah ah ah for monkey. He can also identify cows, monkeys, and dogs, either by making the sound in the case of cows and monkeys or saying the word in the case of dog. I've been signing with him a lot more lately. He still just does the one for more, but sometimes puts his fingers in his mouth when I say the word "eat." Eh, close enough I suppose. Liam can now identify his feet when we ask him, "Where are your feet?" He grabs them proudly! That's the only body part identification so far. He's been stacking wooden blocks for awhile, but now he loves to build with his plastic Lego-y style blocks. Like I've said before, Liam just seems to understand so much more now. The other day I told him I thought his monkey (little plastic one) was under the couch, and then he got on his hands and knees and looked under the couch! I really had no idea he knew the word couch. He's also gotten really helpful at getting himself dressed or undressed (umm, when he's not throwing a fit about it!). He pulls his arms through the holes, lifts his feet to have socks put on, and can pull his t-shirts off over his head.

Food and Drink: Liam still feeds himself fruit and veggies! Broccoli seems to be his favorite. Really the only new food this month is probably peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Yay for no peanut allergy! I still have not been giving him any cows milk, even though all tummy issues have been resolved. He does eat yogurt and cheese, though, and seems to do fine with those. And yes, he's still drinking his milk from a bottle. He absolutely refuses to drink it from his straw cup! He's also been working on his spoon and fork skills this month. He's getting there, although he usually still misses his mouth and isn't good at getting the food on the fork or spoon yet!

Events and Firsts: Probably the biggest first was that we had a babysitter stay here with Liam for the first time! He's spent plenty of time in the church nursery, but this was the first time someone other than my mom had watched him at our place, and that has only happened a few times. So it was a big deal to us. She watched him for two hours while Will and I went to dinner to celebrate the 11th anniversary of our first date! We had a nice dinner together, and Liam was well-behaved and "charming." Liam played in a mall play area for the first time. Our friends Crystal and Brian and their two kids were in town, so we met them at the Galleria to visit. Liam spent his time in the play area constantly walking around, sometimes touching things, and occasionally escaping the play area and heading straight for a dress shop! I think he was drawn to it because it was bright, colorful, and right outside of the play area. Will and I took turns chasing him, so it wore us out. I sold some of Liam's baby things at a consignment sale. I sold the items I don't want to have to store away until the next child because they take up too much space. I also sold his cloth diapers. Right now we're just using disposables until I figure out what kind I'd like to get him that will work until he's potty trained. I'm already tired of using disposables full-time, so I"m looking forward to getting some cloth again. Liam also got to experience the Olympics for the first time. He watched some with us and clapped for the divers! Next time the summer Olympics happen, he will be 5 years old! One recent event was my birthday and Will's birthday, which happens to be the same day! We ate at Johnny's Pizza with friends! Then today, I took Liam to the local library for really the first time since he was a little baby. He played in the play area with some friends who just happened to be there as well for a little while, then it was time to run up and down the rows making lots of noises! And of course, pitching a fit when I tried to get him back in the stroller. I will definitely be taking him more often and hopefully we can actually check out items next time. I didn't have my library card or my license (discovered that surprising fact at the checkout counter). Then we walked around outside for about ten minutes so I could take some pictures of my crazy 15th month old!

Teeth: Still just four teeth. I'm still wondering when he'll get more. I don't see any on the verge of coming in.

Favorites: 
- throwing fits (ugh, but seriously, he seems to be a fan of this!)
- seeing dogs and saying "dog"
- walking and exploring
- playing with plastic blocks and building towers
- eating broccoli and cheese cubes
- drinking water from straw cups without flow-limiting valves
- socks (obsessed!)
- identifying his feet

Here are some pictures I took at the library this morning:

Taking his shoe off for like the fifth time!

Looking at the fountain

Inspecting a leaf stem

The swoop WILL be trimmed soon

Look Who's Talking

Lately, Liam has been adding words to his vocabulary at a fast pace. He still doesn't say a lot of words, but it's still impressive to hear a proper word come out of his mouth.

The new ones lately (just in the past couple of weeks) are:
ball
block
car
dog

Pretty much all related to toys..ha!

All of those he has said more than once, and can easily identify those things.

This past weekend, he started saying "mine" and "my," but not in any context. He's usually not holding any objects when he says them. He just walks around saying, "mine, mine, mine." So I don't think he really understands what it means yet, or he really does think he owns this place. However, he does pronounce the word very clearly. Some of the other words are usually missing the last sound. Car is typically "cah."

book - said once, while walking away from me going to get a book

He is also working on saying "down" and "dark." Dark came about because anytime I go in the bathroom and don't turn on the light, Liam follows me and closes the door. I always say, "It's dark." and he picked up on it and started saying, "dar."

The other words he says (and has been saying for awhile) are:
mama (still a fave of his!)
dad and dada
hi
hey
good
go (always said as go, go go)
cat-used sparingly
baby

He also said IKEA that one time. He also said "Thank you (dankoo)" one time. So all in all, not a lot of words, but he definitely understands more than this!

He also still loves to "babble," but I know even that will turn into words eventually!

As for sign language, the only one he ever uses is "more." He loves that one, though. He's an enthusiastic user of that sign. I've been doing several others with him for a while now, that he understands, but doesn't do. I've recently started teaching him more signs. hopefully he will pick up on them.

As for animals sounds, he does two of them now. "moo" for a cow and "ah ah ah" for a monkey. He can usually do them on command, too. Very cute.

I just have to mention this so I can remember it: he doesn't say the word "socks" but he's certainly a fan of them. He takes socks and lays them on top of his feet. Then he usually brings them to me and attempts to lift one of his feet so I can put it on him. Little dude loves socks.

One Year Pictures

Back on Memorial Day weekend, my friend Jamie took Liam's one year pictures. She did a great job, and Liam is so cute in them! That was back when he didn't have any top teeth. Here are a few!

July...Still Not Over Yet

The summer seems to be dragging along. When I was a kid, it seemed like it always took forever to get to August. I looked forward to my birthday and going back to school. Yes, I looked forward to school! Now I just wish I had a vacation to look forward to.

July has just been super hot and oppressive, as expected. We haven't gotten out much. Liam and I have been having a lot of fun at home, though, spending our days playing and reading books and having occasional play dates here. On Tuesdays, I've been going to a Bible Study at church, so Liam gets to hang out with his pals there.

As mentioned in an earlier post, Liam didn't do so well at his first summer play day at church. But yesterday, we went back again. I was needed to work, and Liam was a month older than the last time, so I hoped he would do better. And guess what? He did! He ate food, drank water, and even slept some. Go Liam! I did miss spending the day with him, though. One toddler is much easier to handle than ten, which is how many I spent the day with (along with an awesome co-teacher, of course!) I think now I feel good about working the three more play days I've committed to. Maybe his super cute lunch bag (that he totally picked out!) helped.

The flash gets him every time.

When we got home from the play day, Liam and I were both worn out, but he was wired as well and playing, but he wasn't very coordinated. Unfortunately, he tripped over his own feet and ended up falling and hitting his head on the wall. A big bump swelled up on the top of his forehead. Poor guy cried for several minutes, but then he was ok. I iced it as much as he would let me (not much), and ended up calling the pediatrician to see if we needed to bring him in since he hit right where his soft spot is or was. By then, Liam was playing and acting normal. He told me what to watch for, but said Liam would be fine. I was certainly rattled by it. I seriously never want him to get hurt! So that was his first bump on the head, and I'm sure it won't be his last. Thankfully, today I can't even feel the bump and there's only a small red mark. I guess he literally is hard-headed.

Liam at 14 Months

Life with a 14 month old boy is pretty crazy, but it's also a lot of fun. Liam is showing his independence and making it known if he does or doesn't like something. He wears me out, but I'm so happy to be his mama!

Personality: Independent is the word on the street for Liam. Especially when it comes to walking. One day when Will got home from work, he left the door open a few extra seconds and Liam was off down the sidewalk...no pants, no shoes. If I set him down, he will immediately walk away from me. Not a bad thing in the right situation, but it could be scary in other situations. Obviously, we know not to give him the opportunity to walk away in potentially sketchy situations like in a crowd in public. But we are giving him more freedom to walk and explore in the right situations,and that includes some public places. (I fear that he will HAVE TO be one of those kids on a leash one day. That is, if I don't want to lose my son in a crowd...which I don't.) The real trouble comes once we pick him up to avoid a danger or even just when it's time to go. He screams and arches his back like it's the worst thing ever! I'm definitely hearing more frustrated "grrrrs" these days! Occasionally there's even a little foot stomping action. So dramatic! Walking and exploring and playing are his favorite things to do. He's typically a good-natured kid and in a good mood. If he's awake, he's moving. He's always on the go! "Stop" and "no" are his least favorite words. He knows what they mean, and usually screams in protest when he hears them. I'm sure they will be a frequent visitor in my vocabulary for years to come. He definitely likes to push his boundaries, and sometimes even touches something he's not supposed to just to see my reaction. I know this because when he does it, he looks at me with a sly grin on his face. The problem is that it's hard to keep an "I'm mommy and no means no" face in those situations. All in all, though, Liam is a wonderful kid, full of life, smiley, and curious about everything! He's a smart one for sure.

Skills: Walking has been mastered. Liam is now working on running. He's also working on climbing on furniture like the couch or the chair in his room, but is still just too short (even though he's tall). He tries though. He still babbles all the time, but is saying more words. He has said "cat" in the past, but the other day he looked at Squirt on two occasions and said it. Besides his usual words, he's mostly a repeater of words I say. Those include "go go," "dow" for "down," and "dah" for "dog." We've noticed that he does understand a lot more words now. If I ask him to go get a book, he brings me a book. There are also several specific books I can ask him to go get, and he'll bring me the correct one. If we ask him to go get a diaper, he goes and gets a diaper. If I ask for smooches, he comes at me with his mouth wide open and gives me a hug...smooches to him! I've said it before, but everyday I can just see him learning more and more things and processing them. That's fun! Stacking blocks is one of his new skills. He got wooden blocks for his birthday, but hasn't shown much interest in them except to throw them on the floor. Lately, though, he's been stacking them and can stack up to 6 at a time. Then he knocks them all down! He's getting pretty good at throwing things, whether or not that's good. He drop tests everything by throwing it on the floor (the tile by the doorway) to see how much noise it makes.

Food and Drink: Liam is finally feeding himself more and more foods all the time. He's gotten better at chewing food and eating in general. The big news this month is that he finally started feeding himself vegetables and fruit! So far, he's fed himself broccoli, blueberry halves, some watermelon chunks, and even a few random bits of steamed carrot. Now, he won't feed himself these things every time I put them in front of him (except the broccoli), but he's doing much better! He's also started feeding himself scrambled eggs and graham crackers. It seems like Liam might actually still have a bit of a milk sensitivity (definitely not an allergy), so I've stopped giving him dairy for the time being to see if the issue goes away. One of the issues has stopped, but still working on the other that was most likely caused by dairy. Let's just say he's been a little backed up, which can be cause by too much dairy as well. I'm thinking the problem may have just been too much dairy, and will cut back on it from now on but not cut it out completely. He's STILL drinking milk from a bottle a few times a day. He just will not drink it from his straw cups, plus he literally runs to the chair in his room grinning when he sees a bottle in my hands. I've learned that if he doesn't want to do something, he won't do it! I'll probably give him another month or so before I start pushing the issue and move away from the bottles. It's not like he's emotionally attached to them. He only drinks from one a total of maybe 15 minutes a day.

Events and Firsts: Honestly, not a lot has happened this month and we haven't done much. Liam started feeding himself whole meals this month. He went to his first playday at the church, but probably won't go to anymore. Tried sleep training and it failed. I'm still trying to figure out what may be the best strategy to try next. It took a while for his sleeping to go back to normal after the training debacle, so I'm a little hesitant to try something else right now. Liam did get to go to Guitar Center a couple of times with Will. The first time, they left quickly because Liam started pitching a fit. The second time, they managed to come home with a guitar (that will be resold at a profit!). Last week, Liam got to play in the fountain at Post Eastside in Richardson. It was a nice evening to be outside and it was 7-11, so free slurpee! I think that was my first slurpee...it tasted just like an Icee. Yesterday, he went to the Japanese Baptist Church for the first time and got to hang out with Japanese kids. We hadn't been in 2 years, but a friend who was in town from Tokyo invited us. We will try to do more this next month!

Teeth: He still just has four teeth. I think the top middle two are finally all the way down. He's had some teething pain recently, but no new ones have made an appearance yet. It takes two toothbrushes to brush his teeth: one to distract him with that he can hold and chew and brush his teeth with himself, and then one I use to actually do the brushing.

Favorites: I think I'll add this category to highlight what some of Liam's favorite things seem to be at the moment.
- eating graham crackers
- playing with toy balls
- throwing toys on the floor by the door
- being read books
- walking outside
- seeing cats and dogs
- playing with water (still need to take him swimming!)
- opening and closing doors

Feeding himself a vegetable for the first time

This picture shows why we call him Mr. Chunk

Daddy and Liam

Walking in the park

Headed right for the street...until I stopped him, of course

Walking away from me...off exploring

Found some leaves

That swoop is out of control. He needs a barrette...or a haircut 

Issues

I keep the blog pretty light, mostly documenting Liam and all that he's up to these days. Pretty much just the good stuff. But the past few weeks have been somewhat tough on me. Nothing major has happened. Nothing bad has happened. Plenty of good things have happened. It's just been one of those periods of time (and it's happened before) where I doubt my abilities to be a good mother. Now, I know I'm a good mother. My son is happy and healthy and growing and learning everyday. I've just been wondering if I've really done the best job I could possibly do so far. These feelings typically come up when hormones and emotions collide, and while I know it's probably silly to think about these things, I still do.

It probably started when Liam went to a summer play day at our church and I worked it, but was in another room. The longest Liam had been at the church before this was about 4 hours. This day, we were there closer to 7 hours since I had to be there early to work. We also had to take Will to work beforehand and pick him up afterward. That had us out of the house all day long. Liam was in the baby room with wonderful teachers. He behaved fine as far as I know, but he ate and drank very little all day long, and slept for about 5 minutes. The teachers did nothing wrong. It's Liam's personality, and the fact that when he's there, he's too busy playing to want to do any of those things. He's also easily distracted, so trying to feed him when other things are going on in the room must be quite difficult. It's difficult for me! Going into the play day, I really didn't think Liam would have any problems. I figured he might not sleep, since he never sleeps there, but I figured he would eat and drink since the only thing he had before we left the house was some milk. He needed to eat two meals and a snack while there, and drink milk! I felt like the worst mom in the world when I picked him up and got the run down of the day. He was extremely tired and hungry when I picked him up. His bottle of milk was still in the fridge, so I gave that to him before we left. I cried for several hours about it since it was my fault he was there, and he obviously wasn't ready to be away from home that long. Even though we need for me to make some extra money, we decided that I wouldn't work them anymore or send Liam anymore. Now, we may re-evaluate the situation in August and see if he would be ready for the last two.

I was helping in the room that was the next step up from the baby room Liam was in. That day really brought to my attention several things that Liam doesn't do yet that other kids around his age are capable of doing. Yes I know, don't compare your kid to other kids, or don't compare yourself to other moms. But seriously, who doesn't do that? And why can't Liam do these things? I figure it must be my fault for not pushing him to learn, or rather master, these skills. The two big ones that stood out in my mind were feeding himself an entire meal and falling asleep on his on.

So I've set out to work on him with those skills. Liam can feed himself just fine. There is no doubt in his physical ability to do so. He feeds himself several times a day. And he's feeding himself more and more foods all the time. I do still feed him some things from a spoon, though, like fruits, veggies, oatmeal, and yogurt. To him, a spoon is still just for playing with. I always give him one during meals and try to encourage him to use it, but he never does. I know he will one day, though. Up until this week, really, he wouldn't feed himself vegetables or fruit. He would just smear them around his tray, but he would let me feed them to him. This week, though, he has done an excellent job at feeding himself steamed broccoli, sometimes even shoving it into his mouth with both hands. So that's a start! Liam has also fed himself whole meals a couple of time this week. Those consisted of broccoli, cheese, and bread. I'm also working with him to learn how to take bites out of food. It's only been less than a month since his top two teeth starting coming in, giving him a grand total of four chompers. Before then, when I tried to get him to take a bite of something, he wouldn't do it. But now that he has teeth on the top and bottom, he's getting much better at it. So now, I'm a little less worried about him feeding himself. I still don't know if he could sit down in a chair (not a highchair) and do it, though. Pretty sure he'd be too distracted. It also can take him a while to self-feed a whole meal. He certainly doesn't mind taking his time.

The bigger issue is certainly the sleep one. Liam slept in our room until he was exactly one year old, and I always held him while he fell asleep. I've let him fall asleep in my arms for naps as well. Apparently, I've been setting him up to fail in life by doing that! I know that it's important for Liam to learn to fall asleep on his own. I'm sure it's why he doesn't sleep at church (that, and there's too much fun stuff going on to sleep). The times I've tried to let him fall asleep on his own have been met with many tears, so I'd give in and hold him. Last week, I decided to start some sleep training with Liam so he could learn to fall asleep on his own before he got even older and more set in his ways. I have several books about baby/toddler sleep, so I must have known this would be an issue one day.

I decided to try a gradual approach with me staying in the room until he fell asleep, and gradually moving closer to the door until I was no longer in the room. This way allowed for soothing from crying by picking him up and calming him down, but putting him back in the crib while he was still awake. The first night wasn't horrible, but he did start crying so hard I picked him. He was then asleep about two minutes later in my arms. At nap the next day, I did the same thing, and laid on the floor waiting for him to fall asleep. And he did, after some crying/whining and about 45 minutes. He slept for 3 hours! Things seemed to keep getting better over last weekend, and he started falling asleep faster. There was always some crying, though, and I was there to soothe him. I was not going to let him cry it out. We started putting him to bed earlier, and on Sunday night he was asleep before 8:00 p.m. That has been extremely rare for Liam. Then he woke up in the middle of the night. Trying to stick with my plan of not letting him fall asleep in my arms, it took an hour and half for him to fall back asleep, once again with a ton of crying and soothing. But, he eventually wore himself out and fell asleep...in his crib. I felt bad for him. Monday night it took an hour and half for him to fall asleep, and there was a lot of crying and soothing during that time. He was upset. Very upset.  Then there was a  repeat of the previous middle of the night awakening. 1.5 hours. Both of us awake. Tuesday night, the same thing happened again at bedtime, 1.5 hours of crying/whining/soothing/Liam freaking out. He had become scared of going to bed, the opposite of what I was aiming for. Bedtime was so very stressful. I had failed. I can't remember if I gave in Tuesday night. I think I did. I finally let him fall asleep in my arms. And I've been letting him fall asleep in my arms since then. The gradual approach was obviously not working. Not working at all. I did something wrong. I am against letting him cry it out. Liam is so stubborn and persistent that I have no doubt he would cry for hours until he was throwing up. And that won't be happening.

So, yes, I've gone back to the old way for right now. He has to become not scared of bedtime anymore. Even if that means I have to hold him to fall asleep. So it's the type of situation where I'm a bad mother for not teaching him to fall asleep on his own sooner, but I'm also bad for putting him through what was obviously becoming quite traumatic for him. Can't win!

I will be trying a different approach at some point, hopefully not too far in the future. I really do want him to learn to fall asleep on his own and stay asleep. By not doing this much sooner, I've only made it much harder on everyone. I know that now. I'm hoping and praying he does learn at some point, though. I know it will be much better for him to learn this skill, and learn it soon.

These aren't the only things I've been struggling with lately, but they're the big ones, especially the sleep. I think it's time for a mommy break.